Saying Sorry Is Hard
by Fuzzybuni
Summary: Murdoc hurts 2D and has some difficulties apologizing.


_Christmas request from my best friend. She made up a quote, asked me to write this, and my inspirational writing-ness kicked in. Simple one-shot of Murdoc/2D but meaningful... to me at least._

_Merry Christmas Kendra!_

* * *

"_It's just like one of those times where ya just wanna throw yourself into a ditch. Or die. Y'know what I mean? Like, I've done something so bad that I've made myself sick and tired though I've done it so many times before. I'm the one creating this bullshit. None of the others. It's all me. And I'm sick and tired_."

X X X

"Murdoc..." he mumbled. "Murdoc...!"

The Satanist gave an angry glare towards the singer as he walked into the kitchen.

2D grinned at his friend's angry face. He, for some reason, couldn't help but smile at him.

"I'm buildin' a snowman soon, Murdoc," 2D whispered, still smiling at his friend. He sat down at the table across from Murdoc.

"And wot does tha' mean?" Murdoc growled back, supporting his face with a hand. He was watching 2D closely.

"It means I need you, silly!" 2D giggled, tilting his head slightly. He was _still _smiling at Murdoc.

"Forget it, face-ache. I ain't obviously helpin' _you _build a snowman. And don't friggin' call me 'silly'," he said sickly towards the singer. "_And_ stop smilin' at me. It's givin' me a headache."

2D grinned wider. "Fine." He stood and rested his hands on the table. "I'll jus' get Noodle to help me." He stuck his tongue out at Murdoc and turned away from him.

"Yeah, wotev'eh," Murdoc mumbled, watching 2D walk away from him.

X X X

"_Like I didn't know it was coming. I'm being sarcastic, you know that, right? 2D wanted help with his snowman and he definitely was going to be persistent with me. That's just his thing. It's 2D for ya. I don't know why, but he seemed to want my help more than Noodle's. Weird, huh?_"

X X X

"Hi, Murdoc."

2D's voice startled Murdoc as he was walking into his Winnebago. The Satanist turned around, clearly annoyed, but 2D didn't seem to notice or care.

"Hullo, dent-head," he answered lowly, still keeping his Winne's door open.

2D smiled slightly and looked down at his feet. "It started snowing today."

"Yeah, it did," Murdoc said slowly.

He then looked back up at Murdoc, that smile _still_ stretched across his face.

"2D, you better piss off now. I don't wanna make a damn snowman with you. I thought you said Noodle would help you," Murdoc growled, letting his door swing close.

2D's mouth opened slightly and his eyebrows furrowed together. "Well, I-I thought I'd ask you again."

"My answer is no," Murdoc grumbled, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.

2D's voice sounded a bit helpless and he neared Murdoc. "Please, I really want you to." He grinned slightly. "We'll 'ave fun. I promise."

"I hate snow. I hate snowmen. How will it be fun?" Murdoc hissed.

"I can make it fun," 2D smiled, his eyes closing slightly.

Murdoc rolled his eyes. "Stop wastin' yer time."

"But I really want yer 'elp," 2D squeaked and moved closer.

Murdoc continued staring at the singer. He narrowed his eyes. "As I said, _don't _waste yer time."

"Please." He reached out and touched Murdoc's arm.

Murdoc reacted quickly. He hit 2D in the face with his hand. The singer stumbled back slightly, looking shocked more than hurt. Murdoc bared his teeth at the singer and growled quietly. 2D held his cheek slightly and his mouth hung open as he took in quick gulps of air.

"I-I'm sorry," 2D whispered, his eyes still wide and staring straight at Murdoc.

Murdoc shook his head and looked down at his hand. He clenched his fingers, making a tight fist, and he slowly looked back at 2D.

"Jus' piss off." His teeth were still bared tightly, as his eyes flared at 2D. "I-I'm not makin' a snowman."

"I'm sorry," 2D mumbled, shaking his head. He backed up slowly, still holding his cheek. He felt the urge to let some tears out, but he was promising himself that he wouldn't let Murdoc see any. "I really didn't m-mean it."

"Take off, dullard," Murdoc said lowly and 2D nodded once.

2D backed up some more. He sniffled once then took off in a sprint towards the ground floor lobby. Murdoc shook his head, then resumed to going into his Winnebago.

X X X

"_What the Hell. That was weird. I never usually hit him that _easily_. I usually hit him when he's really dumb or really pissin' me off. And I've never actually hit him that lightly before. It was weird; I reacted fast but not hard. It was like – I didn't want to. I didn't even know I was _going _to react to that. All he did was touch my arm... Goddamn it, I'm confusing. I don't even understand myself anymore._

_But, that wasn't even the _first _half of it. Well, it was... because, what he did next... was something that made me flip. It was for a good reason too. Damn, he can't do that to me. I'm Murdoc Niccals. He can't. He just can't._"

X X X

Murdoc nearly almost threw himself off of the balcony for this. He found a scarf, a carrot, and two pieces of coal for 2D's snowman. He felt a little bad for hitting 2D. He wouldn't let 2D know that though. It was weird though; he never really ever felt bad but for some reason, he did.

Murdoc sighed as he entered the ground floor lobby. He looked out the glass doors and saw 2D working by _himself _on the snowman. _Himself_. He didn't even _ask _for Noodle's help. What an idiot. Murdoc shook his head and with his back, he pushed the door open. He stumbled out into the snow, catching himself before falling. He would _not _let himself fall in the cold, wet snow that he despised so much.

He growled in annoyance to himself as he trekked down the steep hill that Kong sat on. He held the things he got for the snowman tightly in his hands. He wouldn't let them fall in the snow. Oh no, he was not searching through the snow for those things if they fell.

2D was bent over, pushing a snowball along to make it larger as he noticed Murdoc. He stopped in the bent over position he was in and he stared curiously at Murdoc. He stood up straighter and grinned wider at the Satanist.

"Murdoc!" 2D exclaimed, beckoning to him to come over. "Why are ya out 'ere?"

Murdoc shook his head, walking carefully over to 2D. He wouldn't fall. He kept his eyes on the ground.

"Got ya stuff for yer snowman," Murdoc mumbled, nearing him.

2D grinned, his eyes closing tightly. "I can't believe you!"

He suddenly leaped at Murdoc, bringing the Satanist close to his chest. He squealed excitedly and kissed Murdoc right on the cheek.

Murdoc flipped. He couldn't believe 2D just did that.

"_He just kissed me, didn't he?"_

Murdoc clenched his teeth tightly together and pushed 2D away from him. The singer fell to the ground and whimpered slightly. He looked up at Murdoc with hurt eyes and he pouted. He had tears in his eyes this time and he was trying his hardest to hold them back. He held his forehead tightly, though it was covered with a tuque.

Murdoc held back all of his sudden anger, though he felt as though he was going to explode. He clenched his jaw tightly. He wouldn't let himself speak. He slowly backed away from the singer and just bolted, making his way quickly back up to Kong.

X X X

"_Oh no, he did _just not _do that. I can't believe it! I just can't! That is the most insanely, inhumanly, gross thing he has _ever_ done to me! I can't believe it! My head is bouncing off the fuckin' walls! I wanna friggin' kill him!_

"_But wait... why didn't I just kick the shit out of him when I was there?_"

X X X

Murdoc stayed in his Winnebago after that, trying to contain his anger in the best way possible. He just sat on his bed, pulled himself into a tight ball, and just screamed in his head. He just screamed and screamed, and started panting... though he was only shouting in his head.

He closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Murdoc's raven, Cortez, saw his owner in distress and sat on the bedside table near Murdoc. He cawed quietly and Murdoc shot him a look that would kill anyone in a second. The bird literally flinched.

"I will seriously _rip out your throat_ if ya think yer gonna help with anythin'. If I were you, bird, I would step off... _now_."

His voice was so dry and serious; it looked as though the bird had nodded at him nervously. He flew away, leaving his owner to roam his thoughts.

X X X

"_What happened to me next? I had no idea I'd do this._"

X X X

Murdoc heard a knock on his Winnebago door.

He sighed to himself, slowly getting off of his bed. He ran a hand through his greasy black hair as he reached the door. He opened it slowly and the singer was standing there awkwardly. He was rubbing his head and he opened his mouth to speak but Murdoc slammed the door in his face.

"Murdoc, please! Give me another chance!"

Murdoc stopped dead in his tracks. He was more annoyed than ever and he stood there silently, still holding back a large amount of anger.

"Murdoc, one more chance. Please," he heard 2D moan from the outside of the Winnebago.

The Satanist was frustrated as Hell and he made his way back over to his door. His sharp teeth were bared angrily and he swung the door open.

"Give _you_..." He leaped off of his stairs and landed shakily on his feet. He quickly regained himself, then noticing 2D was on his knees. "...one more chance?" His voice was full of hate and poison that it currently even made 2D shrink down to a smaller size. His eyes burrowed into 2D's mess of blue hair. He reached out and grabbed the singer by his hair. 2D yelped loudly and it echoed around the car lot.

He dragged the singer over to his Winnebago and forced him up against the side of it.

"Give _you _one more _fuckin_' chance?" Murdoc hissed.

2D flinched and put up his hands defensively.

Murdoc snickered. "You think _you_ can protect yerself from _me_?" Murdoc still had a good hold on 2D's hair and he tugged roughly at it, making the singer moan in pain.

He suddenly threw him to the ground and 2D cried out loudly. Murdoc threw a hard kick at 2D, hitting the poor singer in the stomach. 2D gasped, closing his eyes tightly and he held his stomach.

"You little shit, how could I ever _think_ of givin' ya anoth'eh chance," he growled and grabbed the singer by his hair again. 2D looked up at him with teary eyes and Murdoc cringed by looking at his face. He suddenly regained his normal, angry approach and threw a fist at 2D's face. 2D screamed in agony and fell from Murdoc's hands to the floor.

2D was broken from the heart and weakened when he looked up a Murdoc.

His mouth opened slightly. "P-please..."

Murdoc kicked at him angrily again. "You little shit! You _kissed_ me!"

2D was groaning in pain and holding his stomach tightly. "I-I woz jus' – I th-thought..."

Murdoc closed his eyes and hollered nonsense, kicking the singer repeatedly.

"Muh-Murdoc, p-please!" he squealed, and then received another kick to the stomach. "I-I – please..."

Murdoc was about to kick him again but froze halfway into the kick. He sighed angrily to himself and clenched his fists tightly. His eyes were still closed tightly and he was looking down, not at 2D but just at the floor in general.

2D closed his eyes tightly and some tears fell from his eyes. He opened them again, looking up at Murdoc. "I-I –"

"Don't talk. Just _go away_." Murdoc's voice was a deep growl and 2D flinched, which caused him to moan in pain too. "Get up and go."

2D nodded and tried pushing himself up, but his body couldn't comprehend it; he was just way too weak.

"I said get th' fuck up an' _go_!" Murdoc grabbed 2D by hair again and threw him forwards. The singer fell to the ground directly on his face. "Fuck, you are _annoyin_'!"

2D started sobbing and Murdoc just shook his head, going back to his Winnebago's door. He opened it up and stared back at the singer for a moment, snarling loudly.

"Get out of the soddin' car lot and _go_!" His voice was loud and frightening once again causing 2D to flinch. "Jesus _Christ_." Murdoc shook his head again and slammed the door behind himself.

X X X

"_God, I fuckin' _hate _that 2D kid. Why – why did he even try and _bother _to apologise to me? He knows it ain't gonna happen. I'll just fuckin' kick his ass over and over again. He's never gonna get it though his head, will he? He's just such an idiotic dullard that'll _never _follow. Fuck. Fuck him..._

_"I – never mind. It's nothing._"

X X X

Murdoc just stared at his ceiling.

"_It's kinda blank_," he thought to himself, "_like 2D's head_." He cringed. "_Fuck, everythin' leads back ta 'im, don't it_?"

Murdoc sighed and sat up slowly, looking down at his carpet. His bird cawed at him; his head shot up in the direction of his bedside table. The bird, Cortez, was looking at him curiously.

"Wot the Hell do ya want, bird?" he grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

His bird still looked at him.

"I don't give a flyin' fuck about 2D, you know that," Murdoc grumbled.

Cortez made somewhat of a noise that sounded like a chuckle.

Murdoc's eyes widened. He didn't know why they widened, maybe... realisation?

"Oh... FUCK NO!" Murdoc exclaimed, jumping back on his bed. He then narrowed his eyes at his bird again. "You little fucker." He was pointing at his bird now. "Stop thinkin' tha'..."

His bird made the same noise.

"I will strangle you to _death _and burn off _every... single... one _of your feathers."

Cortez's eyes widened.

"Exactly," Murdoc smirked. "So... don't be thinkin' of me an'... the dullard... in that way..." He slowly trailed off and some things floated into his mind. He shook his head, trying to rid of them. "Oh no, no, no." He then chuckled. He looked over at Cortez again. "Thanks, bird. Got some fuckin' gross images in my head now. Thanks."

The bird nodded.

"You little wanker," Murdoc hissed. "You're jus' like me."

The bird nodded.

"Well," Murdoc smirked, leaning back in his bed. "It _obviously _can't help but wipe off, can it now, hmmm?"

X X X

"_A few days passed after – well, y'know... me kickin' the shit outta 2D. I – I sorta... I _can't _believe I'm actually sayin' this but... I feel kinda bad. I decided after this feeling completely flooding my thoughts and my whole body, I'd go find 2D. And – well, talk to him. It's weird, feelin' like that. I – It doesn't usually happen... Oh well._

"_I've been in the Winnebago for, I think, three days straight? Someone had been bringin' me food, thankfully enough. Probably Russ. Thank goodness for him._

"_...So, I should go now. I think. Yes, I will. Let's._"

X X X

Murdoc left from his Winnebago as he finally made up his mind to do so. He sauntered away from it only wearing pants. He didn't really need anything else, though it was sort of cold during winter at Kong.

He ignored the cold. It was easy enough.

"_Let's check the kitchen first, shall we_?"

He opened the door and peered into the kitchen. Noodle was at the table. He opened the door all the way and walked in carefully.

She looked up at him, her face remaining expressionless. "Hello."

He opened his mouth, reluctant at first. "...Hi."

"Finally decided to come out of your room?" she asked carefully, resting her hands on the table.

Murdoc rubbed the back of his greasy hair.

"Well, yeah. Wot exactly does it matter to you...?" he asked lowly.

From underneath her bangs, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Well, it's just that you need to talk to 2D. You hurt him pretty bad."

"I know. I woz actually tryin' ta _find _'im," he grumbled back.

"He doesn't care. He said he's not hurt physically."

"Emotionally." He said simply, his lips pulling into a tight line.

She nodded. "Like always."

"He's hurt physically too," he hissed at her.

"I know he is. He just keeps saying he isn't."

"Wot a fuckin' idiot..." Murdoc covered his face with a hand. He ran it down his face and sighed afterwards. "I – I... do ya – know where he is?"

She looked at him angrily. "Going to beat him up again?"

"No, I'm not, girl! I jus' wanted – _FUCK_! JUST TELL ME!" Murdoc hollered, closing his eyes tightly.

Noodle remained calm and closed her eyes as well. "Probably in his room, Murdoc-san."

He opened his eyes and glared at her. He opened his mouth and muttered reluctantly, "Thank... you."

"... You're welcome?"

X X X

"_Couldn't find the damned singer. Weirdly enough. Probably hidin' out on me. Oh well. I can get him later._"

X X X

"FUCK," Murdoc hissed at himself, smacking his bed mattress.

He was lying down and he was completely pissed. Why was he so mad?

"It's 2D. 2D," he repeated to himself. He sighed again. "...2D. I need to see him... fuck."

X X X

"_I left again. Couldn't stay in the damn Winnebago. Why did I want to see 2D so much? It was bugging the Hell outta me! I don't _ever _want to find him after I kick the shit outta him, but now all of a sudden, I want to _apologise_? This is absolutely crazy! I must be out of my mind..._"

X X X

The night was nearing. The sun was setting and it was cascading beautiful shadows along the landfill site at Kong. Weird, the sun was actually showing. It was usually rainy and dreary in Essex, though tonight, it wasn't.

Murdoc had once again headed to the kitchen and he spotted 2D out on the balcony. He casually leaned against the table and stared out through the glass at the singer. Suddenly, he felt a little nervous to go out to talk with 2D, but it wouldn't stop him from going. He sighed and regretted moving away from the table. He made his way over to the glass door, leisurely reaching for the handle.

"_Grab it, you idiot_."

He cringed, wrapping his fingers tightly around the knob. He turned it slowly and opened the door as silently as possible. He didn't want to scare away 2D, now did he? He stepped out, the thin layer of snow crunching under his boots. He closed the door behind himself and turned around to see 2D, still facing the other way.

"...Hello," Murdoc mumbled.

2D cringed; it was visibly noticeable. He still didn't turn around to see his band mate as he was much too afraid. He leaned heavily against the railing and he gripped the rusted rail tightly with his hands.

"I'm not gonna hurt ya, face-ache," Murdoc said quietly.

2D nodded slightly, still remaining away from Murdoc.

"I jus' wanna talk," Murdoc mumbled, moving closer to the singer. He moved to his left side, grabbing onto the railing as well. He then sighed, shaking his head and looking down at the landfill site below them. "I-it's hard... to talk. I have no idea what to say to ya."

2D shook his head, not looking at his abusive friend.

Murdoc opened his mouth and closed it. He was at a complete loss of words, though he wanted to speak to 2D for so long. What the Hell was up?

"_H-how do I say I'm sorry 'cos the word is just never gonna come out..._"

Murdoc bit his lip. Hard. He was mad at himself.

"_Speak damn it_."

Still thinking that, nothing came out.

"_Why do I feel the urge _so hard _to apologise now when I never have before? What is up with me?_"

He opened his mouth, still no words coming out.

"_Say it, Murdoc. C'mon. S' not that hard. Two simple words. But, wait. I'm Murdoc Niccals; when do I ever have to say sorry?_"

He closed his mouth again, since nothing would come out. He then looked up at his taller band mate and 2D had his eyes closed, his head titled downwards. 2D then looked over at his friend.

"I'm sorry..." 2D mumbled in a hoarse voice. "I'm so sorry... 'M so dumb an' stupid..."

"You aren't, you aren't..." Murdoc mumbled unsurely, his eyes trailing from 2D's for a moment. "Listen... I..."

"I really can't apologize enough..." he moaned, squinting his eyes at Murdoc. "Please..."

2D knew it was risky, but he moved closer towards Murdoc to wrap his arms around the Satanist. Murdoc reacted quickly, not hurting the singer but grabbing his shoulders tightly instead. The singer's eyes were confused as they looked into Murdoc's.

"2D, I-I... I can't..." Murdoc shook his head, not being able to finish. Then he pursed his lips, looking down at 2D's chest for a split second. He then looked back up at 2D's face and searched his eyes. "I-I..." Murdoc shook his head and suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around 2D's neck pulling the tall singer down towards his face. Their lips touched and Murdoc kissed 2D roughly.

2D's eyes went wide and his cheeks reddened. He was unbelievably confused and embarrassed. Murdoc was kissing him! The person that hated him most in the world, kissing _him_! It was absurd! 2D wanted to pull away, but he didn't. Something was keeping him.

Murdoc was first to pull away since he was terribly out of breath. He panted quietly, keeping his head low, but still looking up at 2D.

"Wot – wot woz tha'?" 2D mumbled, his cheeks still a dark, dark red.

Murdoc shook his head, still looking downwards. "I-I dunno."

2D put his hand under Murdoc's chin and brought it upwards so that they could both see each other's faces.

"I liked it," 2D mumbled, smiling slightly.

Murdoc shook his head and chuckled, leaning in towards 2D's neck. "Can't apologise. Not my thing, as ya know. So kissin' seemed okay..."

"I f'ink so too," 2D smiled.

"So... are we good? I mean, I-I went a little overboard, and I – er... I'm –"

2D giggled, "...sorry?"

"Let's jus' say tha' from now on, my way of sayin' it, will be givin' ya little kisses now and then, all right?" Murdoc asked, smirking at the singer.

2D nodded eagerly. "I definitely agree. I definitely do."

* * *

_Shitty ending, but overall it was all right._


End file.
